Some things I saw today which pissed me off.

A giant Diet Coke ad in the mall with this gross puppet thing with weird Bratz-style proportions proclaiming that “a woman should be two things: fabulous and fabulous.” 

I want to throw up every time I see it. Not really a great strategy for selling diet coke. 

A headline about how Angelina Jolie’s (Angelina is the anti-Christ. And not in a good way) daughter Shiloh is somehow being forced by evil Angelina to be a boy. By dressing up in supposedly masculine clothes. Read: she’s like 5 and she’s not dressing like a skank yet like all the other 5-year-olds therefore must be a lesbian in waiting. ‘Cause it’s horrific to imagine that a girl might not want to dress like Barbie all the time. That’s what’s screwed up, not fact that ads like the diet coke one above which brainwashes women into thinking they have to be skinny and brainless to count (and when I say skinny I mean a corpse. A brainless corpse. They basically want women to be zombies). 

This thing on ‘I am offended because’ about big boobs not ‘counting’ if you’re fat. I really can’t say it any better than she has so check it out. 

A spread in New Weekly (shut up, I read it ’cause it’s there) about Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton kissing and shooting up. The thing that pissed me off was that the picture of the two of them kissing was presented ina way which implied that two adult women kissing each other was more sordid and shocking than heroin. Also it’s Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, I think we’ve established that they do drugs. 

The fact that I nearly just wrote ‘Li-Lo’ instead of Lindsay Lohan.

When customers lean over the counter and into my personal space in order to check that they have squeezed as much value out of their last ten-cent-piece as they possibly can. While wearing D&G sunglasses and hauling a Louis Vuitton handbag. Fuck off. If you want to see the screen ask me and I’ll swivel it round. Don’t lean into my face with your cloud of white diamonds. 

The fact that the bookstore has had some christmas stuff out since early september. Can’t we have a good even months of respite from christmas please? It starts earlier every year and every time I see it I get a nervous tick and the urge to hack people to death with broken copies of Mariah Carey’s christmas album.

People who get pissed at me for things which I clearly have no control over. Like our product catalogue server going down. Yes I did it on purpose to annoy you. Take your Tag Heuer watch and scruffy fingernails and fuck off. 

But on the bright side, there’s Tank juice. Omnomnomnomnom.

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